Where the Sane Should Fear to Tread

Therapy Sessions on File


06/30/03 at 208pm
Forgot to post 06/26 entry. Only excuse is life sucks and, if there's any kind of supreme being, death will come soon.

It's not just raccoons we need to worry about at night now... skunks are the latest nocturnal creatures to appear in the backyard. Momma and four babies to be exact. And they're all so damn cute - from a distance.

Sis and crew went camping - good choice since it rained a large chunk of yesterday - so 'cat duty' fell to us. Unlike mom's cat's, Sis' requires no attention, conversation or acknowledgment. She isn't called Bitch-Cat for nothing. Foul little creature.

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06/26/03 at 1158pm
Holy Mother-freaking Shit!!! TNN, a TV station up her in loverly KanaDUH, is showing Ren & Stimpy... but not the R & S of a few years ago. This version is decidedly adult. Very, very adult! *evil grin*

Done something to my left wrist, hurts like hell. Rigged the brace I have for the right wrist so it at least keeps the left basically immobile. Can't type worth shit while wearing it though. Joy.
06/25/03 at 1158pm
When something goes very easy or well, I worry. Hubby's puter went together easily, nicely, no fuss, no muss. It's never done that before - ever. Maybe swaping everything out (except the sound card, recycled that) is making the difference. I seriously think the motherboard and CPU were fucked in someway, but I'm not about to 'test' that theory. They, along with some other parts, are being shipped back to Trafalga.

Speaking of Trafalga, the boy is not a happy camper. A pipe burst in his house and wiped out both routers, a UPS, his server and one of the desk-tops. Rough estimate is four thousand dollars worth of damage. Big, big ouchie! The new laptop was, thankfully, away from the disaster area.

I have this mess of wires, cables and parts in the 'puter drawer. Hesitant to pitch anything since a few times I've actually needed some of the older stuff hiding in said drawer. But I really need to go through it and toss more than one somethings.

What the hell went on at the GW site? There were one hundred and eighteen hits on June twenty. Was there a party and no one told me? Cripes...

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! You've no idea how close this is...

You Are A Pirate!
You Are A Pirate!

What Type Of Swashbuckler Are You?
brought to you by Maddog Varuka & Dawg Brown

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06/23/03 at 1000pm
Hubby's 'puter sits in my 'puter room... in little pieces. Only certain things worked, IE refused to acknowledge any scripting calls, NAV crapped out and there were runtime errors the likes both my techie and his techie had never heard of before. Fucked? Oh yeah. The solution? Format C. And since I have to do that, might as well strip and rebuild. Had the parts for that since Xmas, so what the hell. If things don't work like they should right off the bat then the whole mess is going to the tech we use at work. Don't have the patience to deal with this crap.

Finished watching QAF UK. What a difference from the US version! The characters are... well, Stuart is maybe the most like his US counterpart, Brian, but that's as close as characterizations get IMO. Vince (Michael) is wonderful, I love him. What a shame the US version had to take such an interesting, decent character and turn him into a whining shit-head. Loooooved the ending too, laughed my ass off. I did have more to say about this, but the ol' brain has managed to lose the file.

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06/20/03 at 942pm
The fucking computer downstairs is going to die!!! The evil, cursed, eternally damned machine has struck again. That piece of rat-shit absolutely hates me and its one goal in life is to drive me fucking insane.

On a nicer note, though this may not be 'nice' by any normal person's definition, Squirmy had his circumcision today. Quick, easy and his daddy could not watch it. It was a toss up which made daddy greener - the needle (for freezing) or the strapping down of Squirmy's legs. 'Tis okay, I could deal with all that but I cannot deal with the 'wound'. I can stare into gross and disgusting eye sockets (yeah, some are really gross) but I can't deal with a surgical wound.
06/19/03 at 1004am - 1028pm
Baby sleeps... mom reads... so many fics, but now caught up on the BJFic list. See if I can keep it that way.

Infant formula... doesn't taste all that bad and is fucking expensive if you buy it pre-made. Ouch!

Squirmy went for his first adventure today. Had to hit the bank and since it was a nice day, he got to try out the new stroller. He did well, his mother did not. Long walk and only a week since I was gutted like a fish. Mommy is a little sore this evening. Mommy will not be so stupid next time.

"Big clear videos of me riding a hotdog and moanin..." How's that for a subject line? *shakes head and hits the delete key* Ya gotta love some of the things spammers will use to get your attention.

It's a riot to watch the cats when they get near Squirmy. The male cat creeps close (like he's stalking prey), sniffing the entire time, then his little head stretches inside the carrier and he gets this look that says 'what the fuck is this?'. If Squirmy sqeaks at that point, the big tough kitty scrams. The female cat just stares at Squirmy, wondering what the deal is and why she can't be brushed ten thousand times a day.

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06/18/03 at 1146pm
I have boobs like fucking rocks. Ouch. On the plus side, they haven't been this 'perky' in a few years.

Squirmy had his first check-up - which went fine - and his first shopping trip today. Did pretty good with both. After next weeks check that could change. I have to get down to the doctor by myself on transit. Hubby can pick us up, but getting there... this could be interesting, challenging, a fucking nightmare.

Five hundred plus. That's how much spam collected in my work account in a week. The English language does not have the words to adequately express what I feel about that. Not sure any language does. Prescriptions, penises and boobs... OH MY!

While Squirmy sleeps, and I'm still able to keep my eyes open, I've been trying to catch up on fics. No one else I know reads those, so it's up to me to seek them out. Thankfully, Almighty_Frog is keeping an eye out for new/in progress WK fics. Major hugs to her.

Speaking of QAF, the original British series has started airing up here in the Frozen North. Since my 'baby shift' is from seven to three, I've been watching it. It's... interesting. Still digesting the qualities/personalities of the original UK characters, but there are few things that hit me right off. Vince (UK version of Michael) is not nearly as annoying as his US counterpart. I actually enjoy Vince in every episode and he doesn't have the same 'whiney-ness' to him that Michael does. Stuart (UK version of Brian) is... slimy, reminds me of a used car salesman. I know I've had three seasons to get to know the Brian character so maybe it's this is an unfair observation/comparison. I hope so. Nathan (UK version of Justin) is just damn cute. Okay, HOT. He does come across as more desperate but that could, again, seem that way because I'm mentally comparing him to Justin. More of QAF UK airs tonight... yum!

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06/17/03 at 1002pm
It lives!! C-section went fine, Squirmy is fine and if you're not interested in reading hospital/baby shit stop now. I need to get this all down for myself.

Checking into the hospital was a breeze, once we found the right area. Only been in the main entrance before, which is not the area to check-in at, so we had to wander around to find the right section. Lots of women down there in various throws of labor. Made me really glad I was having a c-section. Once checked in, we were shown to a prep-room where I got to strip and put on a gown (back open) and the most 'attractive' bootie things. Final ultrasound to confirm Squirmy's position (still head-up) and then we were left alone. Two hours to surgery at that point.

Close to one o'clock, the 'gas man' came 'round to introduce himself and explain the spinal I would be receiving. Anxiety level went off the chart. That was the only part of the entire procedure that I was absolutely terrified of. Terrified to the point where I insisted hubby had to go in with me - something that is not routinely done. I'm surprised I didn't break a bone in his hand when the first needle went in my back. Flashbacks/memories of my Grandmother - she was a paraplegic, hence most of my anxiety about the spinal - sent my heart-rate way up. I know, 'cause I watched the monitor.

So, numbed and blood pressure dropping the next step was the catheter and the 'painting' of my stomach. Lovely dark-gold stuff that takes its own sweet time wearing off (still sporting it in some spots). The docs were a good five minutes into the surgery before I even knew what was going on. Hubby said it was kind of cool to see my insides. We've since discovered he's rather odd. Squirmy came out bum first, head last. Hubby went with him to the 'inspection' area with orders to check if both eyes were there first (when you work with eyes like I do this is important) and then everything else. All parts were there and the first Apgar was an eight, second a nine - good on all counts. Squirmy entered the world at seven pounds, five ounces. Good size baby.

Next was off to recovery for monitoring and waiting for a bed to open on one of the wards. Busy, packed place the wards were. Waited down there three hours with hubby and Squirmy. Regained movement feeling and some movement in the legs, but they still felt weird. And my blood pressure dipped a couple times because of the meds running around my system. Strange feeling, that. Once on the ward - thank the gods, it was a private! - the fun began.

There is no nursery at BC Women's so babies bunk with mom (unless they need really special care). A support person (partner, relative, etc) also stays with you (not required but very recommended). My mother-in-law was that person. She wanted to and it allowed hubby to take care of the cats and run all those little errands that crop up. Also let him make the necessary phone calls and get some decent sleep - something we in the hospital did not get. Every day at four in the morning, a nurse would come in for a vitals check, whether I was awake or not (was woken up for it if still asleep). Squirmy also got checks, all of which he passed very well. Despite the lovely wake-ups, the nurses were fantastic. Even had a male nurse for a couple days.

Food, despite the jokes about what hospitals serve, was wonderful... once I was allowed to eat. The first twenty-four hours saw me on a clear-liquid diet. Clear soups, water, juice - apple mainly and I despise apple juice with a passion. Hubby went out and bought me some chicken/beef/veggie broth instead. Without that, I would have starved. When I was allowed to eat real food, hubby and mom would also get me extra from the cafeteria since the 'tray' was never enough. I'd spent the last nine months eating like a horse so one little tray was not filling in the least. Especially if one is breast feeding.

Ah, breast feeding... a new experience in PAIN. My skin is borders on the very sensitive side so I should have realized there would be a fair bit of pain associated with the oh-so-natural process of feeding one's baby the way nature intended. Should have. By the second day blisters appeared and I swear the nipples contracted when they saw Squirmy coming for 'em. Started using a pump - which looked for all the world like something out of a fifties science fiction movie - and that went much better since I could control the amount of suction. Squirmy got a combination of nature and formula for the rest of our stay. *snort* Have a couple of wonderful pictures of me hooked up the 'milking machine' that are an absolute scream. Because of the formula supplementation, Squirmy was also one of a very few babies on the ward who actually slept through the night. All around us babies were screaming and crying at night, but not Squirmy. We found out later it was probably because he was getting enough food. That was, and still is, my only concern. Don't care how he gets it - breast or bottle - as long as he's eating. In fact, when he was released Squirmy had hardly dropped any of his birth-weight.

Checking out was an experience. All the paperwork/signage said release time was by eleven in the morning. Okay, that's what we aimed for. Got me ready, got Squirmy changed, fed and ready to go by ten. We finally got out at noon (though the paperwork says eleven-thirty, we weren't actually out of the room until noon). The number of things/people that done/seen before you can go is unreal. The pediatrician on staff had to check Squirmy out and talk to us. Then I and Squirmy had to be checked out by the nurse on duty. Next was the Public Health Liaison to confirm my info so it could be passed on to my local office. And lastly, Squirmy had to be loaded into the car seat and the nurse had to check the secureness of it. And because of the length of time it all took, our parking pass had expired and we had to pay six bucks to get out of the damn lot! Hubby had some rather choice words to say on that matter.

Whoops, Squirmy waking up for next slot at the trough. Later.

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06/11/03 at 855pm
OH. MY. GOD. Ex-JAG actor found dead. The actor, Trevor Goddard, played Mic Brumby on the series back when I was actively watching the show. He was thirty-seven and his death is an apparent suicide. Jezzu! And people ask why I don't read/watch/listen to the news. Rest in Peace.

House is ready to go, not sure I am. Reality is slowing sinking in. Reality is... scary!

Hubby managed to get all of tomorrow off - YAY. He was going to work a half-shift, but his boss said forget it. Must remember to send him a thank you for that.

Since I can't eat anything solid after midnight, had an ice cream pig out tonight. The largest size DQ Blizzard is... really large. Stomach-groaning large. But I ate the whole thing *burp* *oink*. Gonna be hard tomorrow morning not having any tea or coffee. Nothing but water after midnight/before seven and then absolutely nothing - not even gum - after seven a.m. Will be at least eight hours before I can have anything to drink next. At least I won't need to run to the bathroom every two minutes.

And with that, I'm outta here!

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06/10/03 at 1058pm
This might end up as the last entry for a week or so. Finally got a date for the c-section. June 12, 2003 at one o'clock - HOORAY! Much to get done tonight and tomorrow.

Had to do a mad dash up to the hospital this afternoon, thankfully hubby was home to drive me, to start the blood work. Long drive and, of course, we hit the start of rush hour on the way home. Now I have a nice little red bracelet I can't take off until after Squirmy is here. Joy.

Stopped by Sister's on the way home so she could remove the toe polish she just put on Saturday. Crap. First time in years my feet have looked respectable and I can't wear polish into the operating room. She's pissed she can't be there with me but, baring a death, she can't cancel the client she has coming. And my niece, the youngest one, has bronchitis. Poor little kidlet.

Called the mother-in-law when we got home. Something tells me she's going to be on the first boat out of Victoria on Thursday. Called my mother, too, and Trafalga, who's going to play the lottery with Squirmy's birth date and 'set the kid up for life.'

Should be a three-day stay in the hospital, which means I'll be home Sunday or Monday, which means I can see the next episode of QAF. Yeah, know that sounds bad, but I'm an addict what can I say. Probably won't see it, but at least I can be here to set up the VCR. It's tricky to co-ordinate with the digital box. Okay, it's fucked is what it is, but I'm too lazy to straighten it all out. It works, leave it be.

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06/09/03 at 902am - 716pm
This'll probably be another on-off day. Unless I get lucky and the doctor's office calls. Bets anyone?

Found where the Public Health nurse is for my area. Amazingly close, like half a block from my favorite summer store - Dairy Queen. Once I can walk decently again it'll be quite an enjoyable stroll.

Cleaning out the download folder and I stumbled across some MV's. Not many, the AMV's far outnumber the 'regular' MV's. Really must find more of these so I can scare the crap outta Squirmy when he gets old enough. "See, son, these are the MV's mom used to watch..."

Everyday, more and more spam finds its way into the work accounts. One of those accounts is easy to deal with though; anything it receives is spam. That account is not used anyway, publisized in any way, or known to anyone but the boss and me... and I'll bet he's forgotten about it.

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06/08/03 at 816am - 1040pm
Note: Though it isn't much, I forgot to post Friday's stuff. Done now. Additional note: Contrary to what the times indicate, I have not been sitting on my ass all damn day. Just forgot to note when I left/returned. And yes, my brain is slowly mushifying.

After a stretch of unbearably hot weather, things have finally cooled down. Thank the gods; not sure I could have taken another day of high heat. At eight months and almost three weeks, I really feel the upper temps. And I'm not a heat loving person, even when not preggers. Give me snow, give me ice, but keep the hot summer weather away from me! Now that the weather has shifted to a more reasonable temperature (read that as not a fucking blast furnace) it means the house can be 'dug out' a bit too. Can't do everything at once, unless I'd like to spend the next two days a virtual cripple, but the upstairs can be made more-or-less presentable again.

Cleaned out my FTP connections list. Last time that was done was... had to be when god was a small child. There were connection points for sites/places that haven't existed for years - literally! Also cleaned out my password list and discovered an important e-mail address was lost due to inactivity - in otherwords, I forgot to check the damn thing. Shit! That one pisses me off.

Find myself delving a little more into Real Person fiction. Very specific people - they're hot, angsty, talented, male... this is an easy guess. I don't know why and, frankly, I haven't take the time to dig deep(er) and question myself. The situations are, I firmly believe, pure fantasy on the part of the authors but who cares? The writing is good the subject matter made believable and, for a brief time, reality can be happily suspended. Important is that, because reality sucks most times. Due to problems one author has had, I refuse to link to any of the fics or sites. However, if you're a fellow fan - or think you might be - leave your e-mail address and I'll send you the author's contact info.

*happy smile* Looks like eFanfiction.net might be back up and functional. Love public archives.

Worked on the WK site today. Much work still needed, but at least it's been started. Should have stuff up this week. Have nothing else to do *blows raspberry*.

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06/06/03 at 1215pm
Exploring FF.N looking for something new/interesting to read and stumbled across the B5 section. Lots of crossovers, lots of Susan/Marcus. The latter is interesting since the character DIED. Apparently, he's been brought back to life, three years after his death in one fic. If I get bored enough I might actually read these. Though, a little Bester/Garibaldi torure-slash would fill the void pretty damn good right now *sick evil grin*.

Wow, there's even BSG fics! Haven't read any of those in... well, years, and long before I even knew what slash was. With luck, maybe there's a few good Apollo/Starbuck fics rolling around. Gods, that would be perfect... *slurp*

Ya know what would be (hopefully) fun to read? CSI fics. Can't remember if I've gone looking for them or not, but I should. Not interested so much in any romantic/slash/sex CSI fics, moreso story/plot. Hrm... think hunting those down will be next week's project.
06/05/03 at 1037pm
And the word is... 'there's no room at the Inn'. In real words, the hospital is jammed and I've been on the waiting list for a week-and-a-half. So we wait; wait for an opening to appear or me to go into labor. First one wins the c-section.

Not much happening on the writing front, and it'll probably be that way again tomorrow. *sigh* I really would like to get back at it - soon - if RL and stubborn muses will co-operate.

The gods are not smiling on me tonight. Keep bumping into Mary Sue fics, awful sounding ones if the summaries are any indication *shivers*. And Bridalwood Manor is up to eighty-three chapters. Holy Shit! Heard some good things about this fic, so I'll have to make some time for it.

Ol' Squirmy is living up to his name. Sheesh, you'd think he'd entered a Uterus Marathon the way he's moving around right now. Maybe he's saying it's bed-time. Good idea, especially since there's not much to read at this moment. *Yawn* Later.

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06/04/03 at 948pm
Ever read something that made you feel dirty... the kind of filth that will never shower off no matter how hard you scrub? Wanna know what that feels like? Go read Marking it Down to Learning by Shoori. It's one of those fics I have to be in exactly the right mind-set to read, otherwise I go completely off the deep end and sharp objects look really good. As it is, after the last couple chapters, I'm not sure I was - or would ever be - in the right head-space. Seriously, there's no amount of soap, no brush hard enough, no water hot enough to rid me of the disgusting dirt I feel coated in. The fic is good - don't think I'm saying it's not - and I think Shoori's done a good job getting all the 'emotional crap' projected, but it's a seriously twisted and warped piece of work. *snort* And it comes complete with more angst than you can shake a fucking stick at. Everyone, on one level or another (more for some), is tortured and the fic positively seethes with all qualities that make me want to drink rat-poison and just end it all. So, go read. Me, I'm going to find fluff and sap now. Maybe the excess sugar will help pull the dirt off.

Went in to the office today for a couple hours. An hour-and-a-half on the bus each way and four dollars each way. For an extra two-fifty, I can take the fucking commuter train and total trip time is an hour AND I have a bathroom handy! Ridiculous. One guess which method I'm using tomorrow!

All the new stuff on ATP is Brian/Michael... *barfs*. I sympathise with those who don't fancy Brian/Justin fics.

Courtesy of the Frog's LJ...

I'm the Anti-Ken!
I love my manga and anime, and I'll scream if someone tells me to stop writing that fanfic and get out more.

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06/03/03 at 346pm - 1058pm
I'm guessing that when the shredder starts smoking, it's time to give it a rest. One more batch to go and all the work stuff is done.

Heard from 'the replacement' couple times today. Nothing major, just procedural questions. Did find out that someone from CVAP will be 'dropping by' tomorrow, so I'm going in. Have a few questions for the fella (assuming it's gonna be a man). Going in totally on the bus and SkyTrain, close to an hour-and-a-half trip with no bathroom in sight. This should be... interesting.

Mom's eye surgery was today. She tore her retina and the specialist was sticking her under the laser. Should call, but... I care, it's just... *sigh* I'll do it later, when I'm more likely to get Dad.

Hubby got the front grass cut today. Christ, we could have dried it, bundled it up and sold the lot as hay the stuff was so long. Five-and-a-half bags (the large, clear recycling kind) just for the front. Entertaining bets on how many for the back.

And I'm going to smack the hell out of Almight_frog. Wolf's Rain, that beautiful anime she's got me hooked on, is a damn tear-jerker. Oh, the angst! The angst! It's so abso-fucking-lutely wonderful! Just about caught up, then I have to get that Bit-thing she was yapping about. Though, I did get episode seventeen pretty fast on WinMX.

ISP's mail server is taking a holiday... again. Can't we just shoot them and be done with this bullshit?

Finished Kracken's Princes and Soldiers fic. Found the 'end' very... unsatisfying. Not sure what I was expecting, but the ending just seemed... lifeless. Not sure I can come up with a word adequate enough to describe it. Maybe it's just me.

Almighty_Frog, this is for you *SMACK*. Not for WR, but for insisting I read that damn fic of Mami-san's. Schu/Ken is soooo not a pairing I've been remotely interested in, but now... *SMACK* Damn you. Given the total AU-ness of it is what works for me. Well, that and I do enjoy Mami's work. You're an evil, corrupting lass... one who I could kiss the hell outta *grin* Chalk up another mark in the 'I owe ya' column.

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06/02/03 at 1151am
Scanning some pics for a friend, then I'll scan the last batch of work stuff. Would like to have that done by Thursday since I have to go in that day anyway. Figured I might as well go in all day since there's a patient I need to deal with and I have a doc appointment in the afternoon. And speaking of work, it drove me nuts this morning to hear the commuter trains enter and leave the station and not be on one of them. I even woke up at the time my alarm would normally have gone off.

Still stewing over my mother, need to stop that... NOW.
06/01/03 at 331pm
Death-fics, they're everywhere dammit! Tons (seems like to me at least) on the 5x2 Archive... I can't escape them... *screams* I love 'em and miss reading a great swack of them in one sitting. Bookmarking all the ones that sound good for later. Once squirmy is born, and the hormone-hell begins, I might need the suckers.


Dad stopped by with the fishing/camping gear hubby forgot when the van was unloaded. The poor thing - the van - was stuffed to the gills so the stuff was probably buried. Dad looked pretty wiped too. Sleeping on the ground for a week and being mosquito snacks will do that to a person. At least Dad doensn't have the same reaction to mosquito's that hubby does.


Schu/Yoji... *growls*


Neighbour just stopped by asking if we'd seen/heard the truck that smoked up the street last night around one. Hubby and I were both dead to the world. Not hard to tell where it was from/visiting - the house across the street. The 'son' deals pot outta the basement and has for many many years (we got the whole scoop from the neighbours on the other side last summer). Reports to the police go no where, and despite the fact the house was raided for stolen property two years ago, there have never been any charges filed. Nice. Justice in BC is a joke, and everyone knows it - locally, nationally, and internationally.


This has been stewing since yesterday... apparently I'm 'always defensive' and my mother is 'getting tired of it'. WTF? This lovely statement came after she asked if I wanted help getting out of the car and I replied 'no, just need to manoever right'. Now, I'll admit, there may have been a tone but I couldn't say for certain one way or the other. And if I'm 'defensive' it's most likely because I'm feeling an underlying critisism coming from her.

It was like she could hardly wait to get the hell out of my house yesterday. I'd asked her drop over with the crib matress and we'd do lunch. She brought the matress in, put it in the crib, didn't look around, didn't ask about the pile of baby clothes on the kitchen table, didn't really express much of an interest in any of the stuff (except if I had enough blankets) and then asked where we were going for lunch. Why would she immediately assume I meant we'd go OUT for lunch? Am I incapable of making lunch? She couldn't get out of here fast enough.

And then, when she dropped me off, mom said if I didn't need help with anything, she'd rather go home. Hello? Cuppa tea, coffee... talk... any of that sound familiar. She finally relented to come in for a glass of water and found something to help me with... trimming the plants on the porch. But when they were done, she was gone. With still no comment or picking through the piles of baby clothes on table. My mother-in-law, sister, friend, would have been all over those seeing what I had.

I should be hurt (I guess) but I'm feeling more angry than anything else. And, none of this should be unexpected. Our relationship has been rocky and volitile forever and really doesn't seem to have improved beyond the surface shit in years. At least it's not my mother who's staying with us once Squirmy is born... thank the gods.

Picking up where I left off yesterday... and yes, I'm running the author links on the 5x2 archive. Told ya I'm on a kick.

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