Where the Sane Should Fear to Tread

Therapy Sessions on File


11/29/02 at 952pm
n between chatting with Trafalga and drooling over computer equipment, I got caught up on some QAF links tonight. Even took a little quiz... I watch/read too much QAF.

The Brian Kinney Quiz
11/27/02 at 948pm
So I'm trolling for fics tonight, willing to read almost anything GW, until I come across a summary that crossed my eyes. The author, babypeace, obviously has never heard of a dictionary. The summary for her/his fic made my eyes cross and water. A small exerpt - "A passionite story between all the gundam wing pilots and Relena. Will their love concer all oppsticals or fail." It gets better when you see the chapter titles.

I have a fic-peeve when it comes to the spelling of character names - get the damn names right! The second chapter title is Quatra's Secret. I stopped right there, not willing to risk my eyesight or developing a headache trying to read the fic. Gods only know if the damn thing was readable or not.

Elsewhere... can someone explain why an author would do this: "...unable to help me come up with a decent chapter four, so this is chapter five instead (Ch.4 will be added at a later date)..." Why do this? Just to post something? And this one nearly made me toss dinner: "...Heero is actually a person of the female kind. When "She" starts PMSing, and getting cramps..." I give up finding anything GW tonight.

Found out how an Amnio is done, or rather how the position of the needle is determined - an ultrasound. Fuck. Me. So I have to fill myself to bursting with water, again!, and hold it while I'm jabbed with a fucking elephant needle? With all the advances medical science has made, it still can't find a way to improve this procedure?

Anyway, CSI is on and I don't care if it's a repeat or not. I'm a forensic science junkie, have been since I was ten years old. Later.
11/27/02 at 948pm
Thank the gods for QAF fic writers, or my reading would be reduced to nothing. There has been very little fic-wise that has captured, and held, my attention in the GW and WK domains lately. I must be getting too finicky.

The Gatchaman DVD arrived in the mail yesterday. Sunday, I plan on watching it uninterrupted. I'll unplug the phone if that's what it takes, but I am going to watch it.

Amnio has been scheduled and, wonder of wonders, it's not on a day I have to work. The lab won't restart after Xmas until January sixth, and the test is for the second. Now I need to figure out transportation to the hospital. Probably the forth train and hubby picking me up. Somehow, I don't think I'll feel like a two hour bus ride once I'm done.

Need to put together some food for tomorrow. I'm really beginning to hate the need to eat all the time.
11/24/02 at 755pm
I love starting off weekends with medical equipment being shoved in my body. Actually, it was educational... in a twisted way. Ultrasounds cannot only be taken by running a little tool along the outside of the body. There is also a quasi-internal attachment, useful (I assume) only on women. Anyone with half a brain should be able to guess where it goes. It is not, however, feasible to use past eighteen weeks (I think that's what the tech said) of pregnancy. This should be fun, since I'll probably require another ultrasound, and I'm not capable of holding enough water to make the normal, outer use, attachment work right.

We, hubby and me, were supposed to take his grandmother out for dinner Saturday. Word from my mother-in-law Thursday was that Grannie wasn't feeling all that well and may not be going. Called her Saturday when I got home from the ultrasound, only to find no one there. Next call, mother-in-law. Grannie is in the hospital, blood pressure off the scale, no further information except don't go to the hospital unless told otherwise. Oh, and by the way, your great aunt fell and broke her hip. It's been fixed, but she has to move since her apartment building doesn't have an elevator and she may never walk again. And your father-in-law is not doing well either.

When it rains, it pours with our family. Nothing, it seems, happens individually but in a great lump. So given all that happened in a three day space, it was decided that we'd break the news of my 'condition' to the in-laws - christ on a stick, they needed some good news. Needless to say, they're both ecstatic.

But you can't tell one set of parents without telling the other - unless you really like having your life made a living hell and getting dished enough guilt for eight generations. Since dinner with Grannie was off (duh!), we took my folks out instead and broke the news to them too. Ecstatic does not begin to describe the reaction.

Ever notice how the days just slip by slowly, but when you look at a calendar... OH MY GOD! The last day of green-waste pick-up is tomorrow. That's it until April. If the leaves didn't get raked and bagged today, then we'd be stuck with the bags (all twelve of them) until the spring. No fucking way. So leaves got done, old pallets moved, Halloween decorations taken down and the Xmas lights put up.

I've been having a total craving for Rat Pack stuff. Dean Martin has the smoothest, most beautiful voice I've heard in a long time. And together with Sinatra and Davis... wow. Going to listen to some before calling this day done.
11/20/02 at 838pm
One late night - if ten pm is considered late - and I'm fucked for the week. This so sucks. I'm used to eleven to twelve on work nights, and twelve to three on weekends. Now, I'm lucky to make it to ten one night a week without a nap.

Blood was sucked yesterday, all seven vials of it. Is there anything NOT being tested for? And the ultrasound appointment was finally scheduled - twelve noon on Saturday. So much for a nap that afternoon. Hubby and I are taking his grandmother out for dinner Saturday and I really hope I don't nose-first into the appetizer. Or have to run to the bathroom every five minutes - yuck.

My girlfriend's hubby made fudge the other day and generously passed some along to me. No one, and I mean no one, makes fudge like this man. Half of my stash is gone already and it's taking great willpower not to inhale the rest tonight. My sweet tooth is off the scale lately. But not for chocolate, something I've never been a big fan of anyway.

Learning some valuable lessons the last couple days. Don't eat spicy food at night unless you are prepared to pay for it dearly. When you wake up at eleven o'clock hungry, go get something to eat; laying in bed ignoring it only makes it worse and makes you nauseous. The cat knows when you are too hot and purposely lays on you where you are the warmest.

I have a great GW fic rolling around in my head. Can I get it out? I haven't had time to write at work, and by the time I get home I can't concentrate more than 5 minutes at crack. I need a device to hook up to my brain and then just dump it onto a tape or disc. Then I could work on it in a few months. Please tell me concentration does come back...

Seriously thinking of breaking the baby news to the family next weekend. We're all going to be together for my birthday so it's a perfect opportunity. Was thinking of waiting until Xmas when I'm past the first trimester and the risk of miscarriage drops, but... See, there's still a couple more tests I want, and am having, done. If they show any abnormalities, the pregnancy goes no further. And I won't have the results back from them until at least mid-January. So really, what's the point of waiting until Xmas? I might be able to keep things secret until then, but not much longer. Already my weight gain has been noticed and soon my lack of drinking will too. That more than anything else, will be a sure sign something is up and questions will be asked. My mother I could lie to no problem, but not my dad. And you don't tell one without telling the other.

In running through a bunch of links the last week or so, I'm stunned by the fact that some authors are archived/recced in dozens of places and others hardly anywhere. Granted, the latter may be by the authors choice, but I seriously think it's because the author is not a 'name' in the fandom. New authors, even those with what I consider great fics, seem to be ignored where established authors with some really questionable fics are everywhere. Just my observation and bitch.

And with that, I'm off to bed. I'd like to be somewhat functionable tomorrow.
11/18/02 at 738pm
Vampires - aka Medical Techs - will suck my blood tomorrow. By the number of tests my doc ordered, it looks like they'll need to drain me dry. And I have to go for an ultrasound to confirm just how far along I am - 9 weeks by his and my calculations - but since certain things haven't been 'normal' for a while, it's important to make an exact determination. Which means I need a lab open on Saturday since I'm not drinking a gallon or so of water and then hopping on a bus. Last time, we had to stop every few blocks, thank the gods for gas stations with bathrooms, so there is no way I can make the twenty to thirty minute ride back to the office or down to the train.

Handed over the CSO/SCO files to the new Secretary/Treasurer today. I had no idea how much paperwork had built up in the last three years - WOW. But she has most of it now and will get the rest once the banking shit is figured out. The people you need to talk to are never around when you need them to be.

Boss-man made a little movie on his digital vid camera. He painstakingly edited it, then went to transfer the finished vid back to the camera. At which point the software barfed. Something about a format problem, possibly a codec issue. Of course, his problem becomes my problem. I despise codec issues. I had to battle a couple of those at home and it just about drove me to beat the puter into itty bits. Since he's using an old version of the software, he decided to upgrade that first and if it doesn't make a difference then he'll bug me for help. Good plan... I hope the new version works!
11/17/02 at 832pm
I'm pushing it, staying up this late, but I'm not tired yet. Curious to see how long I can go... probably not much longer.

Apparently, I'm a bitch. Why? Because I boot people out of my WinMX queue if they're not sharing any files. As I told the idiot who called me a bitch - fuck you. There's no reason for not sharing files. This crap of 'I'm using a router' is just bullshit. So am I, and I took the time to figure out how to open the right ports (it wasn't easy either). And the argument that 'my connection is so slow' hold no water either. If I'm a bitch, so be it. I have no intention of changing the way I do things.
11/17/02 at 256pm
This entry, unlike the last, is dated correctly. Goes to show just how out of it I've been the last while.

I started thinking today (a dangerous thing to do) about what it was that put my feet on the path of slash. As with a number of things in my online life, one anime - that I didn't even know was an anime until years later - is the cause. If anyone can actually guess what one it is, bonus cookies will be handed out.

The first fanfictions I ever read were for Gatchaman. There really are some spectacularly written works for this series, but none really ever brought me to my knees. Until I got to a series by Lori. I'd never read any male/male stuff prior to hers, and frankly I can't remember seeing any Gatch slash before Lori's - it's simply not as prevalent in the Gatch fandom as it is in others. But 'Beer Night' and the other fics in Lori's series captivated and affected me in a way no other story by a a non-professional ever had. For months, I couldn't get the stories out of my mind. Nor could I get the image of Ken and Joe boinking like bunnies clear of mind's eye.

It's... startling? odd? fascinating?... how a thirty-year-old anime is responsible for a number of things in my life, how it's expanded my horizons and helped me understand aspects of myself better. Though my involvement with Gatch has lessened over the years, my love for it has not dimmed. It's a given that the kidlet I'm carrying will be exposed to the entire series at some point. Which should be interesting since most of my Gatch stuff is in Japanese. Hubby keeps saying the kid will come out speaking Japanese given the amount of anime its mother watches. That would be a riot!

After months of trying to rid the fish tank of snails and worms (ew!), drastic measures had to be taken. Today, the tank was stripped. What a pain-in-the-ass. A smaller tank was set up, and the fish transferred to that. Then everything in the large tank was removed and either sterilized or pitched. Some stuff was covered in snail/worm eggs and could not be salvaged. As hubby put it, 'everything was a fucking gawd-awful mess'.

In the process of stripping everything out though, two discoveries were made. Six months ago, one of the beloved sword-tails disappeared. We assumed it had been killed and eaten by the other fish (there were some nasty attitude ones in there for a while). Wrong! The thing jumped through a fairly smallish hole in the cover and landed on the back of the cabinet... where it promptly died (duh!). The second discovery was a catfish living under the filter. How it got there has not been determined, but there it was. It's half the size the other 'babies' are, but apart from that the fish appears fine. Hopefully this one will not have the same attitude problem its parents had.

Speaking of parents, I dropped by my folks house yesterday. Mom had been cleaning out her closets again, and had more clothes for me to try on. I had to lie and tell her I wasn't interested in the jeans and they probably wouldn't fit anyway because I'd gained a couple pounds. She insisted I try them on anyway, saying I weigh less than her and there's no point in a good pair of jeans going to waste. Um... ya. Two months ago I could have fit into them just fine. Now however... it was comical watching me trying to zip and button the damn things.
11/10/02 at 935pm
Sometimes, there is a god and occassionally said god smiles on me. A gal I know casually through Gatchaman (a really old anime for all you youngsters out there) has recently started subbing Gatchaman. Why? Because she loves the series too, and no fansubber wants to touch it (I have many words, but none I should probably say in a public forum). Anyway, this gal recently wrote me, all excited about finishing the first volume. Like my house, no one in hers shares her love of this ancient series. Long story short, she's offered me a copy of the finished sub. Pardon me while I SQUEAL FOR JOY! Dear god, I would do almost anything for subbed copies of Gatchaman.

Meanwhile, back on Planet Earth... to hell with that, my own little world is sooo much nicer. I found a gold-mine of QAF video's today. Both series clips and music vids. Fuck. Me. The music vids are beautifully done; the song and video going perfectly together, transitions smooth and well blended. A true joy to watch... and burn to disc. Which I must remember to buy more of.

I finally won one of those counter-fic things. Well, sorta. Me and another person managed to hit the site at the exact same moment and we both got a screen cap of the counter with the designated number showing. It's okay though, I know the gal who runs the site. She doesn't know what kind of fic the other winner wants, but she knows my preferences. Not that it matters to me what this gal writes - I love all her work.

And now, there's *counts* three new QAF fics waiting for me.
11/10/02 at 935pm
I finally got off my lazy and tired ass and started working on the WK section of PE. I can't believe it's five months since I touched it last. We won't mention the Gatchaman section - it's been longer.

So I updated the rec links, and started working on the new archive section. Some of fics in the Rec lists have been lost due to FF.N's deplorable decsision to elliminate NC-17 fics, but I've written to a couple of authors asking where their fics are archived and if I can archive them if they're not elsewhere. So far, one has responded.

I owed hubby a movie after dragging him to see Spirited Away so today he called me on it. My turn to be dragged to the theater and crammed in a seat to see a movie I wasn't that keen on. Specifically, The Santa Clause 2. It was... okay. But if we ever get it on tape/dvd, most of it will be fast forwarded through. It had it's moments, but for the most part... snore. At least it got me out of the house today.
11/10/02 at 935pm
Sunday night... no work tomorrow... and I'm still awake! Yay!

Got semi-caught up on GW fics, at least at the major public archives. I see I haven't been missing much. There's 'Heero's sister', 'Duo's sister', 'mysterious girl' and the always entertaining, '... really a girl disguised as a boy'. Blech! What is it with these self-inserts/Mary-Sue's? And yes, that's what I class any fic that adds a new female character. Thankfully, there's not as many new male character fics. Needless to say, I didn't bother with any of them. I've written a couple of \ those in my time and I know how... bad? (that'll do for now) they are and how well loved (NOT) the new character is. As a minor character, okay; but not as a major one - ever!

To pass time today, since I wasn't up to working on web sites, I reorganized some files and reinstalled an old game. Sim City 2000 is... mind-numbing. And it's so much fun to make monsters go stomping through the cities you carefully build. The rioters are also fun. Especially when if you put down a stadium, then 'cancel' a rock concert - a la GNR in Vancouver last week. *snort* What a fuck up that was, and so totally unexpected (note the heavy sarcasm).

Picked up some more YnM MV's today. Haven't had a chance to watch them yet, since the machine they'll play on has been running SC all day. But they look interesting. I've turned into a total AMV junkie. And for the third time, my Aes. membership came in usefull. BakaDeshi (sp?) Productions has put out a wonderful, droolable Boku no Sexual Harrassment AMV. That studio puts out some damn fine stuff.

Time to shut all the 'puters down before someone else does it for me. Tired or not, I should be sleeping says hubby. One more loop through the queue on WinMX to dump the leeches, then sack time for me.
11/08/02 at 743pm
So, here we are at Friday. The end of the week, and the first day since Monday I've been online at home. And I won't be for much longer - falling asleep as I type this.

Only managed to keep up with a couple QAF fics at work and a couple WK ones. Forget GW. Barely managed to archive the fics I needed to tonight, nevermind read any new ones. Since this is a long weekend, maybe I can get caught up in GW? Christ I hope so.
11/04/02 at 923pm
Have I bitched about FF.N and the quality of fics lately? Too lazy to check, so...

Since FF.N did away with the NC-17 fics, it seems the general quality of fics posted has gone downhill - sharply. I used to find stuff to read (and rec) on a daily basis, but now I can barely find one to read every couple of days. I wish more writers posted to Media Miner, or anywhere easily accessible. Some authors, I've no idea where they've gone.

How are people being taught to spell these days? Did I miss a dictionary burning? How much time does it take to re-read your work, or grab a dictionary? Too much, obviously. I don't claim to be perfect (everyone has their blind moments), but at least I can say I've tried my best.

I have to sit down and write out how it is I do the various parts of my job. Sounded easy to me, anybody can answer phones and book appointments... right? Wrong. Just booking an appointment has a dozen little details to it. Is it an old or new patient? Is it a polish/cleaning they want, or a new prosthesis? Is it a WCB claim? DVA? Is the patient a Native and do they a 'script from their doctor? Is the doctor a specialist? I do all this, and more, with every phone call, and I didn't even realize it.

It scares me to think just how much I carry around in my head. None of this is written down. If it weren't for the fact I'll need someone to fill in for while I'm on maternity leave, none of it would be getting written down. I could be smacked by a bus tomorrow (possible since I'm a horrid pedestrian) and the poor person hired to fill my spot would have no clue.

And it's not just booking that's like that. Take the billing program. There is NO documentation on it - at all! I am, literally, the only one who knows how to run it. At least the patient database is pretty easy to figure out. *snort* Great, so a new person could print out a bill but have no clue how to submit said bill to the Pharmacare. One guess what my top two priorities are.

It's now after 9pm and I'm still conscious. Will this continue? Can I do this for more than one night? Christ, I hope so. There's so much I want to do - like three web sites and rewriting the last part of LitD since I fucked it up so bad (thanks for pointing it out, Debi *hugs*). However, all that can wait until tomorrow. The main machine needs some files removed again and the burner insists on being the ONLY thing running.
11/02/02 at 128pm
Oh my god, I'm conscious! Trust me, this is a big deal... for me at least.

My sister had her baby yesterday, an 8lb 2oz girl. She did her best not to scare the shit out of me with birth stuff, etc. Thank you, sis.

I may have put myself on a friends shit-list. She's trying to keep her cat completely out of the room that will be her baby's nursery because she fears the cat will harm the baby. *snort* Puleeze. Tales of cats 'sucking the breath out of a baby' are old wives tales.

My mother has been around cats all her life (she was raised with them in the house and she raised two kids with a cat in the house) and not once did any of the cats harm the baby. My sister's cat once jumped in the crib with one of her kids, but only long enough to have a sniff and look-see then he jumped right out. Mom said her cat hardly ever came near me when I was a baby. A couple times he'd come in the nursery when I was asleep and look at me (from the floor) but apart from that, the cat avoided me like the plague.

So Miss A. is, in a number of person's opinions, being unreasonable and illogical - and I told her so. As nicely as I could. I'm pissed at her for treating her cat the way she is. If she's truly afraid the cat might harm the baby, then a new home for said cat should be found now. And a trip to the land of sanity booked for the cat's owner.

As long as I'm still functioning, all my web sites need some serious attention. *groan* Where do I begin? Which one gets priority? Aw fuck it, I'll flip a coin.